Let’s Get Quizzical! …About Inquisitors

Alright, so, if it were actually something with which one could be afflicted, I would certainly be diagnosed with Inquisitorius Obsessedius…but, since that’s fake, let’s just say I’m full-on obsessed with the new canon Inquisitorius (which is a fancy name for the cog in the Imperial machine that includes the Force-using darksiders trained to dispatch Order 66 leftovers). My most recent musings center around who actually trains the brothers and sisters (Inquisitors…I am your father!)…anyway, according to Wookieepedia (with a reference to Star Wars Rebels: Visual Guide, Epic Battles), Darth Vader trains them, but I don’t necessarily think that’s the whole truth (much like Obi-wan tells Luke that Yoda was the Jedi Master that instructed him…it’s not exactly correct, but it’s the easy answer). I can certainly see Vader being the supervisor of their training, and their ultimate master, but I feel like he’s too important and too busy (see his involvement in Tarkin and Lords of the Sith, for example) to be solely responsible for their daily instruction…so, who else could be putting them through their paces and teaching them limited Force abilities and spinning double-bladed lightsaber technique? I’m so glad you asked! Here are my harebrained theories, see how off the rocker you think they are…

Maybe it is Darth Father afterall…
Oh so you try to dispute the idea that Vader trains the inquisitors, but then straightaway say maybe he does? What is this, clickbait? Why, of course! No, no, not really, but I thought I’d exercise Occam’s razor on this one and go with the simplest theory right out of the gate…I’ll call this the ApexTheory because it’s based on Justin Bolger’s review of the most recent Rebels episode on TheForce.net…anyway, the quick and dirty of the theory is that family was always important to Anakin, so, when he thought all his family had either died or betrayed him (or both), he created his own, one that he could handpick, mentor, and control to ensure that their loyalty would be absolute and the pain of the past wouldn’t rear its ugly head again:  enter the brothers and sisters; if “friends are the family you choose,” then inquisitors are the family you abduct, brainwash, and hone into killing machines that want to be you but pale in comparison. But, as I mentioned, I feel like Vader is much to busy to be a daily, hands-on instructor, so think of him as the single dad that’s preoccupied with work and not very present for his family…he shows up a few times a month to teach a new lesson and instill loyalty and reverence by demonstrating his awesome power, and then rushes off, leaving the brothers and sisters to practice in hopes of impressing daddy Vader when he comes back next. The problem I have with this theory is the absence of constant supervision seems like it would create a breeding ground for dark-tinged adepts to act out…so, who could be strong enough to keep the inquisitors in line while Vader’s away, but not strong enough to band them together to rise up against the Sith? Now that is an excellent question…

Darth-less Maul
As I’ve stated before, I’m convinced that Maul was left alive for a reason; otherwise, there’s no way they’d bring Sons of Dathomir into canon. That said, I’ll even admit it’s a pretty big stretch for Maul to be back working with the Sith, but, how and why aside, he certainly fits the bill:  he’d be fairly old and far-removed from his Sith training, so he’d be strong enough to instruct and instill fear into the peon inquisitors, but not so strong that he could realistically attempt to oppose Vader. The obvious connection between Maul and the one thing all inquisitors seem to have in common is their double-bladed lightsabers. That’s the main impetus for making this undeniably huge leap…that and the fact that Maul is awesome and I’d be happy to have him back in some form or another. Anyway, having the original wielder of the double-bladed lightsaber teaching a new generation of darkside assassins makes sense, as he’d certainly have more experience with the weapon than Vader, since, as far as I know, anyway, Vader’s never used such a weapon, though I’ve no doubt he’d be talented enough to both use it and teach others. The gimmicky nature of the inquisitor’s spinning sabers, while it makes up for their low-end talent, would also function as a handicap for Maul’s age and whatever deterioration in talent he’s experienced since we last saw him. I’ll say again, this is a long-shot among long-shots, but I’m going to keep bringing Maul up until he appears again…because, mark my word, he will.

The Dark Mother
Okay, so, the Seventh Sister isn’t Barriss Offee…because she’s actually the Dark Mother of the Inquisitorius! Oh snap! Okay, I know, I’m getting pretty tired of the small galaxy syndrome of everyone having to be someone we already know or somehow related to a known character too, but with the way every loose end from the Clone Wars is being tied up, I wouldn’t be surprised if we find out a fully-fallen Barriss is the overseer of the inquisitors. She would be controllable since she, like Ahsoka, never finished her Jedi training, but she’d be more adept with the Force than the inquisitors so she could instruct them and hold her own against them (because, you know, darkside). Though not quite the one in a zillion like Maul, I’d say the chances of Barriss actually being involved with the inquisitors is probably one in 999,999…so, yeah, not good, but I will say, though I’m not as sure about it as I am with Maul, that we haven’t seen the last of Miss Offee…

The Hierarchy
Just like in many regular multi-child households (regardless of the number of parents), when daddy Vader is away, the older, more experienced, inquisitors keep an eye on the others. Maybe that’s the real purpose behind the numerical brothers and sisters; the inquisitors at the top of the hierarchy get to leave the academy and go on missions, while the lower levels are in charge of watching each other and even rearing the new arrivals. This seems pretty simple, and logical, the only problem I see is (Servants of the Empire spoilers incoming) I can’t imagine fellow inquisitors inflicting the kind of torture it appears Dhara Leonis underwent. Maybe that was the Grand Inquisitor’s job before his untimely demise, though, and maybe what we’re seeing in Rebels isn’t the well-oiled Inquisitorius machine, but the start of what ultimately becomes the downfall of the system (because it seems the Inquisitorius doesn’t exist as of the events of A New Hope) as things deteriorate due to infighting between the brothers and sisters in an attempt to become the new Grand Inquisitor. I think this, coupled with the ApexTheory, is probably close to the truth…but only time will tell.

So yeah, definitely obsessed. I want all other Rebels storylines to go on permanent backburner until we get every last detail about the inquisitors hashed out…is that too much to ask? Yeah, it probably is, but I don’t care! Hopefully there’ll be a book centered on the Inquisitorius, or, maybe better yet, a comic series, then I can get my fix without having to get frustrated with Rebels not telling me what I want to know…nah, I’m only kidding, I couldn’t get mad at Rebels, it’s too good, so let’s all watch it and enjoy and just look forward (patiently…sort of) to finding out what the Inquisitorius is really all about. And remember, when you’re watching the terrible kid’s commercials that Disney XD plays, may the Force be with you…


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