Rogue One: Not Just a Star Wars Story

Alright, you twisted my arm, I’ll admit it:  I probably wasn’t as excited about Rogue One as I was about what’s going on in Rebels, or certainly not as much as wondering what we’ll learn about the saga in Episode VIII…and, of course, I say “was” because that all changed first thing this morning when I watched that tantalizing trailer for Rogue One (over and over). I don’t think I’ve ever had a trailer, teaser, or whatever you want to call it change my entire perspective on a movie before, but this most certainly did…I went from “I’m excited because it’s Star Wars, and it’ll be neat to see how the rebels managed such a huge feat like stealing the Death Star plans” to “OMG CAN IT BE DECEMBER TOMORROW BECAUSE THIS MOVIE LOOKS AMAZING!” Yeah, I’d say that about sums it up…anyway, let’s cut to the chase and dig right in…I’ve got some doozies rolling around in the ol’ noggin, so let’s get pen to paper (figuratively, I don’t actually write these down before I type them) and get the wild speculation train rolling!

I’ve forgetton Rey completely and want to marry Jyn Erso
Okay, not really. Not the first part, anyway, but how incredibly badass is this character? Answer:  unquantifiably. First of all, she’s a prisoner of the Alliance, and, based on her rap sheet, not an Imperial hostage. So I’m guessing she not so much joins the Rebellion as gets a “get out of jail free” card in exchange for taking on the mission she’s offered, whatever that might be (spoiler alert:  stealing the Death Star plans). Second, she’s a hell of a fighter; seemingly adept with both melee weapons and a blaster, so, I mean, awesome. Third, she has a feisty, rough-edged disposition that I personally find very appealing (also love Mon Mothma’s little smirk after Jyn says, “I rebel.” Also, just how perfectly did they hit the nail on the head with Mothma’s character? It’s striking how well the two actresses line up, visually and audibly. Three cheers for that.)…the only thing that trips me up, honestly, is the whole “on your own from the age of fifteen”…isn’t that Ezra’s story? At least tell me she ran away, or made some kind of personal decision to be independent at such a young age and isn’t a tragic orphan of the evil Empire…I don’t feel like going down that road again…other than that, though, truly terrific character that I’m already head over heels for…but just wait until I let loose with my off-the-wall theory on how her story unfolds…

The man in white

Okay, so this is Thrawn, right? I mean, c’mon, right? And my answer is a resounding:  sort of. Obviously it isn’t exactly Thrawn because he’s not a glorious shade of blue, but I think he’s definitely an Admiral based on his rank insignia, and perhaps even a Grand Admiral as it appears to me that he has more than six squares across (but I could be wrong, I have poor vision). I am willing to go out on a limb, albeit a sturdy one, and surmise that this is the mystery Admiral from Aftermath, which, since those books are sort of this canon’s Heir to the Empire trilogy would make that character sort of Thrawn…see, sort of…anyway, whomever he turns out to be, I definitely appreciate the white-clad homage to a much-loved character.

Dark Purge Troopers

Yeah, I know, we saw this yesterday, so it’s like ancient history in internet years, but I still think they’re worth a nod…they reminded me first of the Purge Troopers from Star Wars:  Uprising mixed with the old Dark Troopers from the Dark Forces game (good times). I tend to lean more toward Purge Troopers, though, since, well, they’re canon, and from around the same time frame…I think of these as maybe the pre-cursor to those that we see in Uprising…the beta Purge Troopers, if you will…anyway, they look super rad, and I’m not upset that we’re seeing a breakup of the monotonous white Stormtroopers…also, it’s kind of funny that the troopers are wearing a dark color while the apparent leader is wearing white.

What will you become?

Alright, time to let loose the crazy cannon:  I think this is actually Jyn. I think we’re seeing her after she’s gone rogue from the Rebellion and joined the Empire and is either some kind of Inquisitor or ISB. Further, I think she’s kneeling before her superior, the Admiral in white, who is now frozen in bacta to preserve him while he heals from a would-be mortal wound (we see him on the ground, striding across water…I don’t think things go the way he plans). Further still, I believe when he emerges from said frozen bacta that his skin will have adopted a permanent blue hue as a side effect from the process, making him even more sort of Thrawn. And as for Jyn, well, she essentially becomes Mara Jade, though, instead of the Emperor’s hand, she’s sort-of-Thrawn’s. I think she has no real loyalty to the Rebellion, so when she’s captured and given the opportunity to join or die, she jumps in with both feet. And when they surface from their exile to the outer reaches, a punishment for their failure to keep the Empire’s super weapon plans safe, Jyn meets a certain Jedi who convinces her that she made the wrong choice and persuades her to rejoin the Alliance (i.e. New Republic) and they end up getting along so well that (yup, I’m going there…it’s the accent, it sold it for me) they make a baby and name her Rey. Boom. I’m sure that’s probably roughly 0.00384% accurate, but damned if it doesn’t sound like an interesting story to me…so, when you see Jyn at the end of the trailer, don’t be fooled by the assumed misdirection, they’re showing you exactly what she will become:

So yeah, this movie looks amazing. I mean, just visually stunning. From Ip Man himself making a Stormtrooper look silly to the AT-AT splashing around in water while shooting at our on-rushing rebels…the costumes are fabulous, the cinematography looks dynamic and gripping…I just can’t wait to see this movie. I think it’s going to be a home run from a pitcher, something spectacular that even some big fans (me, I know) didn’t see coming. Now, by all means, go watch it a few zillion more times and see what you glean that I didn’t, and do your best to match my level of ignited anticipation…and, as always, while you’re watching and pondering and considering methods of stasis to make December come faster, may the Force be with you…


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